Join Danny, Valentina and their hysterical guest Enzo as answer questions asked by you, our listeners.
In this episode, we talk about the struggles of managing loneliness between relationships, juggling time between multiple partners while still meeting your own needs, approaching friends with romantic intentions, and the art of saying no – and gracefully accepting rejection. We go deep into the risk and reward of dating in a small community after surviving a difficult breakup. Join us as we explore the delicate balance of emotions and communication in the realm of modern relationships.
Our special guest, Enzo has been polyamorous for 5+ years, recently came out as bisexual, and is a retired standup comedian.
Show Notes:
Valentina’s blog, The Relationship Rebel: http://www.relationship-rebel.com/
Danny’s Book, “Is now a good time to talk? How to ask for what you want and get it”: https://amzn.to/3GNWgwM
Ep09: Understanding Your Poly Self with Special Guest Enzo! https://polycafe.org/2024/06/12/ep09-understanding-your-poly-self-with-special-guest-enzo/
Ep07: Nomadic Healing with Special Guest Julia Moore! https://polycafe.org/2024/05/15/ep07-nomadic-healing-with-special-guest-julia-moore/
Great Quotes & Moments from Episode 10 of Poly Café :
“Loneliness is a state of mind. Can you be with yourself? That’s what I would try to be. When I’m by myself, I try to be with myself. And if I’m with myself in a positive way, I’m not lonely.” ~Enzo (PolyCafe.org – s01:ep10 – 1m33s)
“I would strongly encourage anybody in any relationship, not to rely on your romantic relationships to fill all your social needs.” ~Valentina Hartman (PolyCafe.org – s01: ep10 – 2m26s)
“What I had to do is, I had to start prioritizing my time and making myself my number one priority. And that can be a very difficult thing to do when you’re a people pleaser.” ~Valentina Hartman (PolyCafe.org – s01: ep10 – 6m28s)
“Time management for me is, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am on Hawaiian time. I will get there when I get there. And if I want to, I will. And if I don’t, I won’t. And if you don’t like that, then find someone else.” ~Enzo (PolyCafe.org – s01:ep10 – 7m51s)
“I’m the only one that can make me happy.” ~Enzo (PolyCafe.org – s01:ep10 – 8m04s)
“The more I’ve learned about boundaries, the more I want someone to tell me ‘no’. […] The correct answer to someone giving a ‘no’ is ‘thank you’. ‘Thank you for letting me know. Thank you for taking care of yourself’.” ~Danny Burbol (PolyCafe.org – s01: ep10 – 10m16s)
“To me jealousy is just unfinished problems you have in yourself.” ~Enzo (PolyCafe.org – s01:ep10 – 27m37s)
“I have two types of people; friends I used to date. And I have exes. And I don’t want anymore exes.” ~Danny Burbol (PolyCafe.org – s01: ep10 – 18m32s)
“I am happy for your relationship and you’re in love, and I am happy that you found that, HOWEVER……my boundaries are being crossed, my needs aren’t being met, I want to support you and continue to feel good about your relationship so how do we resolve this?” ~Valentina Hartman (PolyCafe.org – s01: ep10 – 28m50s)
“If you say no, that one word will tell you by their reaction what kind of human they are, knee jerking, like immediately, truthfully.” ~Enzo (PolyCafe.org – s01: ep10 – 11m11s)
“People are going to shift their position in your life.People who were in the front seat or in the backseat aren’t going to be there anymore because new people will get in the car” ~Danny Burbol (PolyCafe.org – s01: ep10 – 43m43s)
“There is this level of intimacy that is still platonic, that I have in my friendships that most monogamous people don’t give their friends.” ~Valentina Hartman (PolyCafe.org – s01: ep10 – 43m03s)
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